I just have to say that it is amazing, this whole birth thing. I'm so grateful to have experienced it four times. Angie, my midwife has told me that every time I have had this ability to control my birth and I thought she was crazy. How does one decide when to go into labor, how long to make it last, etc. But I think after the experience of Ammon's birth I believe I have a LITTLE control.
On Friday the fourth, I decided I had to do something to get Ammon to come. I went into our "back room," locked the door and meditated. When a contraction would come I would encourage it. But it was too hokey pokey and there wasn't enough contractions to really work with.
I was getting frustrated and wasn't sure what to do. The next morning I woke up and thought a plan of "action" was needed. I decided to go for a walk. A three mile walk. Mike and I made it over to Mom-maw's house and dropped of some Sam's Club supplies and then we went to JoBeth's (a friend's) where we dropped off our three kids.
Then we went to this lake where we walked three miles. The wind was blowing twenty miles an hour-at least it felt like it. Thankfully I had taken my coat. Mike used two jackets and at the worst of it we walked super fast until Mike made it here:
I asked him what he was doing and he said getting a break from the wind. So I took pictures. We made it around with nice red rosy cheeks and then went home. Somehow the adventure had taken ALL day.
When we went to bed I somehow knew that everything was going to start the next day, on Sunday. I remember Mike saying let's wait to give the kids baths till tomorrow and I knew it couldn't wait or it wouldn't happen. So we bathed them. With Josiah and Stuart's births I had been woken up in the night by strong regular contractions and knew that it would be the same this time. I just hoped and prayed that I would be able to get plenty of rest for the coming work.
At 12:30am Goldie came into our bedroom with an ear ache. Mike asked me to get up and get the medicine and I didn't want to move because I knew the contractions would start. He did it, but then Goldie wanted to sleep with us. I went to the back room and the contractions started. I was right. I told my body to make them go away that I needed a few more hours rest. But it wouldn't listen. When I finally gave into it at 2:30 in the morning they came on strong and hard and good.
But it still took plenty of time for his arrival. For me I learned something from all the work I did on February 6. I learned that it is a mind game not just a process that you have to go through. He was 9.4 pounds and yet in many ways I am physically better off than I was after any birth of any of my other children. Even and especially better off than I was after Goldie's 5.13 pound birth.
The biggest thing that happened was that for some reason I became afraid of the pushing and the crowning, I was afraid in my head of the crowning and that the burning at that moment would last for twenty minutes or more. I avoided it and actually resisted pushing, in my head I was looking for a way out. There was no way out. I had to go through it unless I was going away from home and I didn't want to do that at all. When I finally worked through this and found ways to welcome and encourage some contractions to help with the pushing I was surprised. His crowning head eased his way through and only took a moment. Then his shoulders where right behind and it was a beautiful thing to see him. I had my hands on him the whole time and although I've never "seen" a birth, now I know what one looks like. It only lasted a moment. I was relieved and grateful. (Sorry if this is too much information - it was a great moment for me.)
So, according to the facts I labored and pushed for 14 hours but it was worth it. Ammon is wonderful. The kids are so good with him and love him too. Today, nine days later I've marveled and wondered at how magnificent such a little being in a little body can be. He seems so far, to be laid back and peaceful, and a sleeper. He's got the red hair that Goldie and Josiah have. The first day or two I said he didn't look like any of my kids, but now that his little head is shaping up he looks exactly like them. I love holding him, almost too much. It's so hard to lay him down and get anything else done. I just want to cuddle him constantly. I love my new little baby. It's so awesome to have him in our family life.
